My Story of Self Love!

It seems everyone is preaching self love right now which is fantastic! This isn’t a post about how to love yourself or ways to make your body better, when I write a blog post I write about what I know and nothing else. These are the thoughts are my own and from my own experiences.

Growing up I was a chubby kid, I played competitive soccer right through school so was always fit and healthy but had a bit more padding than the other kids. I think I was pretty unaware of it until I hit intermediate when I was about 11. I wasn’t one of the popular girls and didn’t know anyone in my class I was a pretty easy target for bullying. That’s when I starting loathing myself and my body- I was chubby, had a really awkward haircut that I still cringe at the sight of photos! I was also growing boobies a lot sooner than the other girls. Pretty safe to say that these were my awkward years, I found it hard making friends because I really didn’t have anything in common with the girls in my class, I wasn’t into shopping or boys, I didn’t have a cellphone and we didn’t even have a computer. I was really uncool! I was constantly looking at the other girls with their bikinis and bellybutton piercings and longing to look like that, to have those clothes and to be that confident. I don’t have any photos in my house of these years because I despise them, not because I looked awful (which I kinda did) but because I know how unhappy I was then. One thing I will take away from that experience is that people with very round faces should not cut their hair super short and then try and grow it out I looked like a chubby Justin Bieber with blond foils!

Puberty was good to me, apart from the acne which I covered with layers of orange foundation I stole out of my mum’s bathroom cupboard (sorry mum). I lost the “puppy fat” grew boobs and the boys started looking at me! I started hanging out with the popular girls and feeling a constant pressure to look a certain way, to wear make-up, wear skimpy clothes and be thin. Even though I had what I wanted in the way of friends and looks I still felt fat, like I was still the fat friend. More self loathing!

When I met my now husband when I was 16 I was very insecure after coming out of my first real relationship in which the other person really squashed my spirit. My now husband on the other hand was mature and treated me in a way I had always wanted. This is when I got happy! I fell head over heels in love we moved into our own place life was perfection!

It honestly felt like over night I went from a size 6 to a size 12. I remember being in the changing room in tears trying on a size 12 pair of jeans I look back now and think how pathetic is that! Of course this is when all the comments from my friends and family started happening, “I’ve noticed you’ve gained some weight are you ok?” “You better be careful you’re getting fat” and then there was the “Whoa you got fat what happened??”
All of which are as uplifting as you can imagine! During this time I also got pregnant we were over the moon and then lost the baby in the first trimester. About a year later I got pregnant again, this was the biggest turning point for my self acceptance. I knew at that moment in time I looked exactly how I was meant to look, I was meant to have a round belly, big boobs and swollen feet. I was growing a person inside my body. All these years where I had hated my body, the same body that enables me to walk, talk and carry a child?? I think it was at this moment I stated appreciating my body and looking at my body as a shell not as the total of my self worth. I had a very difficult pregnancy and a very difficult postpartum and I am so thankful that my body was strong enough to pull me through it so I am still here to enjoy my life.

Don’t you just want to squeeze those cheeks!!!

 

6 Months after having my daughter I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding, I wasn’t totally confident but I felt ok and having my husband there next to me made all the difference. I had of course just grown a person! I know a lot of people jump right into “getting their body back” however for me this is the first time my body had really felt like my own. I had had surgery when my daughter was 2 weeks old it rid me of incredibly painful gallstones so I was finally feeling comfortable again and I was soo in love with my baby and suffered a bit of separation anxiety and wouldn’t let her put of my sight! Going to the gym was really not even on my radar!

My daughter was 14 months when we got married I had been going to the gym 5 days a week for about 3 months before our wedding. I didn’t loose a lot of weight but I was feeling the fittest I have been for years and I felt great in my dress!

Now, I haven’t been at the gym for 2 years I started a business and we moved out of a major town to a small rural town where there is no gym. I did however get a treadmill which remains in my craft room permanently in the upright position maybe being used as a coat rack. I don’t own a pair of scales so I couldn’t tell you whether I’ve put on weight or not although I’m positive that I’ve put on weight since my wedding. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, do I want to loose some weight- probably but what I would like my goal to be is to be healthier, fitter and set a good example for my daughter. My body has looked after me it has looked after my baby now it’s time that I repay the favor.

So do I love my body? Yes

Is it or will it ever be perfect? No

Is that ok? Yes!

Are we all a work in progress both in mind, body and spirituality? Yes!!

Am I ready to see my own importance and look after myself to be a good example for my daughter? Oh yes!!

Robin xx

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