It seems everyone is preaching self love right now which is fantastic! This isn’t a post about how to love yourself or ways to make your body better, when I write a blog post I write about what I know and nothing else. These are the thoughts are my own and from my own experiences.
Growing up I was a chubby kid, I played competitive soccer right through school so was always fit and healthy but had a bit more padding than the other kids. I think I was pretty unaware of it until I hit intermediate when I was about 11. I wasn’t one of the popular girls and didn’t know anyone in my class I was a pretty easy target for bullying. That’s when I starting loathing myself and my body- I was chubby, had a really awkward haircut that I still cringe at the sight of photos! I was also growing boobies a lot sooner than the other girls. Pretty safe to say that these were my awkward years, I found it hard making friends because I really didn’t have anything in common with the girls in my class, I wasn’t into shopping or boys, I didn’t have a cellphone and we didn’t even have a computer. I was really uncool! I was constantly looking at the other girls with their bikinis and bellybutton piercings and longing to look like that, to have those clothes and to be that confident. I don’t have any photos in my house of these years because I despise them, not because I looked awful (which I kinda did) but because I know how unhappy I was then. One thing I will take away from that experience is that people with very round faces should not cut their hair super short and then try and grow it out I looked like a chubby Justin Bieber with blond foils!
Puberty was good to me, apart from the acne which I covered with layers of orange foundation I stole out of my mum’s bathroom cupboard (sorry mum). I lost the “puppy fat” grew boobs and the boys started looking at me! I started hanging out with the popular girls and feeling a constant pressure to look a certain way, to wear make-up, wear skimpy clothes and be thin. Even though I had what I wanted in the way of friends and looks I still felt fat, like I was still the fat friend. More self loathing!
When I met my now husband when I was 16 I was very insecure after coming out of my first real relationship in which the other person really squashed my spirit. My now husband on the other hand was mature and treated me in a way I had always wanted. This is when I got happy! I fell head over heels in love we moved into our own place life was perfection!
It honestly felt like over night I went from a size 6 to a size 12. I remember being in the changing room in tears trying on a size 12 pair of jeans I look back now and think how pathetic is that! Of course this is when all the comments from my friends and family started happening, “I’ve noticed you’ve gained some weight are you ok?” “You better be careful you’re getting fat” and then there was the “Whoa you got fat what happened??”
All of which are as uplifting as you can imagine! During this time I also got pregnant we were over the moon and then lost the baby in the first trimester. About a year later I got pregnant again, this was the biggest turning point for my self acceptance. I knew at that moment in time I looked exactly how I was meant to look, I was meant to have a round belly, big boobs and swollen feet. I was growing a person inside my body. All these years where I had hated my body, the same body that enables me to walk, talk and carry a child?? I think it was at this moment I stated appreciating my body and looking at my body as a shell not as the total of my self worth. I had a very difficult pregnancy and a very difficult postpartum and I am so thankful that my body was strong enough to pull me through it so I am still here to enjoy my life.
|Don’t you just want to squeeze those cheeks!!!|