I told you all last time about my miscarriage, it’s something I have wanted to write about for as long as I have had a blog. I actually started writing it many times but hit delete into the first paragraph. But for some reason this time I just sat, cried and spent about an hour just writing it all down. Quite therapeutic actually, you see miscarriage is one of those subjects that is a real down and depressing thing to just bring up in conversation, even if you really need to talk about it. I wanted to thank all of you who read the post, shared your story with me or shared my post with your friends and family. It is one of my most liked and shared posts I have ever written so I think that shows how much this topic is kept in the dark and how the need to talk about it is so strong!
For me I was initially forced to talk about my miscarriage because I had told people I was pregnant. Had it not been for that I don’t really know if I would have told anyone except maybe my mum. Before this I had never heard of anyone around me ever having a miscarriage furthering the idea that we are not meant to talk about it. One of my close family members then told me about her miscarriage and the way she spoke about it suggested that she herself had not spoken of it to many people in the decades since it happened.
So why don’t we talk about it? Well it’s not really a great conversation starter is it? Aside from that there is also a sense of failure and in some way shame. I know for me I felt though I had failed at one of the things my body was made for. That some how my body had made this happen. It’s also seen as something you shouldn’t share, all of the parenting websites will tell you to ‘keep the secret’ or ‘wait until the safe time of the second trimester’ I hate to break it to you all, there is no ‘safe time’ in pregnancy. Yes there are a lot of women in their first trimester that have miscarriages or other complications but pregnancy is one of those scary unpredictable things that happen at any time. So why must we keep this happy time a secret from others we love even if some of the time it turns into a devastating loss. Why must we keep this sadness and loss to ourselves and pretend to everyone else that nothing has happened, that the pregnancy, the baby never existed?
We all have our own reasons as to why we keep our pregnancy’s a secret especially during our first trimester, I’m not here to tell everyone that they should tell others they are pregnant as soon as they find out but I do think we need to move away from telling women they can’t. I had some comments from readers on my last post thanking me because they wanted to tell people so badly they were pregnant but didn’t think they could or should because of what they had been told.
As with everything, it’s your body. If you are pregnant and want to tell people, tell people. If you are pregnant and want to keep it to yourself for the first 3 months, keep it to yourself!
There’s a good article here on Kidspot about Miscarriage but please don’t read too much on the internet, listen to your midwife or LMC, relax, enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can and look after yourself as best you can.