What I learnt from my ‘broken home’

My parents separated when I was a baby so I don’t remember them ever being together. As a child it was all I ever knew however all the adults around me used it as an explanation whenever my behaviour wasn’t what they expected from me “It must because she is from a separated family” “That is very difficult not to have both of your parents at the same house” Quite frankly anytime my parents were in the same house it was weird!

My great grandmother, my grandmother, my mother and I in 2007/2008?


But there are a few things I learnt from coming from this so called “broken home” I think I appreciate them more now that I’m an adult and particularly a parent.

The second time my dad ever wore a suit, the first was to my graduation.
  • Financial Independence: having two parents who were both incredibly hard workers, made their own money and supported themselves financially and encouraged me to do the same from a very early age gave me the work ethic and sense of responsibility that if I wanted something I had to work for it just like they did.
  • Never settle, no matter the situation, if you have kids you’re married whatever, there is no need for you to settle. My parents taught me that whatever your situation is, if you aren’t happy fix it.
  • Independence, Having separated parents and no siblings did I think make me more independent. I would go between houses on my own and deal with everything that came with that.
  • Rules are relative, this is probably (I’m guessing) one of the biggest struggles with having your kid go to a different house where their are different rules “But I can do that at Dad’s house” for me this taught me that in different situations different things are expected of you. I can relate it to my daughter now-We go to the park for lunch she is allowed to run around, make as much noise as she wants but if we were to go to a restaurant,, she is expected to sit down, eat her meal and do it at a respectable noise level.
  • You can look after yourself, my parents taught me not to rely on anyone else and that I could look after myself. You can choose to have someone if your life but you will never need them in a way where you are totally reliant on that person. (financially, mentally, spiritually or psychologically) You will be a complete person on your own but it’s cool to share your life with someone that makes you feel good when you’re around them.
  • It’s not blood that makes a family, this is probably the biggest thing I gained from having a “nontraditional” family. Over the course of my life I have added grandparents, uncles and aunties, cousins and by amazing little brother and sister who I wouldn’t have had in my life otherwise. I refuse to call them step- or half-whatevers because I don’t love them half as much they are not half as much apart of my family than those who I am completely biologically related to. I love them with all of me and they are my family.

Now that my daughter is growing up in a home with two parents who are married I find myself in quite unfamiliar territory. I hope to teach my daughter the same kinds of values that my parents taught me. Above all I was always surrounded by love and my parents did a pretty good job (I think so anyway!) I appreciate everything they did for me, more so now than ever because I am a parent. I understand it more. I didn’t loose anything by having separated parents I ended up getting 3 parents who are happy, and are amazing grandparents for my daughter.

So there’s a few things, there is much more that I have learnt from my amazing parents that I may share with you one day but I don’t want to fill their heads up too much. What things did you learn from your upbringing.

Robin xx

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2 comments

  1. I think at the end if the day as long as a child is surrounded by loving supportive people it doesn't matter what their relastionships are with each other! Having spit parents is not the worst thing to happen to a child and can be better off for the child if the parents aren't happy! Thank you for your lovely words xx

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